Have Courage and Be Kind

10 Jul

If you know me, you know that I watch a lot of Disney movies. I could blame them on my kids, but face it, my parents still have a collection of VHS tapes of mine that I spent my own allowance on so I could own. And there might still be a few cassette soundtracks somewhere in the depths of their basement. I’m a believer in faith, trust and pixie dust.

I took my youngest to the new version of Cinderella when that was in the theater. She was too young. In fact, when the glass slipper was about to arrive at Ella’s house, my own princess threw an all out tantrum and I had to carry her out of the theater without seeing that part. Ironically, I had to stop and pick up her plastic see-through Cinderella slipper as that was kicked off during the tantrum.

But I still got to hear my favorite inspirational quote. It’s simple. “Have courage. And be kind.”

I have some anxiety and depression. I have had an eating disorder and to anyone that has had one- it never fully leaves. In my worst I have been frozen in shaking fear unable to remove scenes from my brain. I can’t hold a piece of paper still as every muscle in my body shakes. I have been numb, desiring nothing in the world but to stay curled in bed under the covers. If I was out I was literally imagining how I could end the pain. While many of us may feel like this from time to time, I lived it.  Past tense.

But I am grateful. So incredibly grateful. Because my glass slippers are tattered running shoes worn thin from walking. Walking through the pain in my own head. They have pieces of rocks left in the tred from where the path was rough. It was then I had to put on many miles just to shake fear, the “what ifs” and sadness out of my brain.  Having kids is hard.  Having kids with severe medical and developmental problems is hard.  

But with the walking I repeated “have courage.” I needed that courage to stay in touch with my provider to adjust the medication that started failing me awhile back. We message via a secured system. She has listened to me, and worked with me to find a regimin to help me become healthy. And she referred me to a counselor. One that I’m so grateful  to have found. I have tried talk therapy a few times throughout my life. I never clicked with the counselor and would never stay long enough to actually work on my problems. See, I know what they’re looking for and I would fool myself into thinking that I was fine. And therefore, they saw the recovery as well.My counselor asked me the first day why I was there. And I thought I knew. Mainly I knew that I could no longer keep running through the same patterns I have fought most of my life. It still took a few visits. Until with a gentle smile I was able to fall apart. She has cried with me, cheered with me, and not too long ago told me to go enjoy the summer and be in touch. 

And I realized at that moment that she had the faith in me all along. My friends have been with me the whole time. And some of you, my goodness, deserve a medal. I thank you for listening. For the hugs whether they were virtual or real. My family. My family is also the reason I am here. And I am happy. When Mommy was sad they cuddled. When Mommy needed quiet time and tuned the world out, they were patient. When the house was a mess no one complained.

They were kind. Everyone. I cannot tell you how much kindness I have seen and experienced throughout the past year. There’s always going to be some meanness. But the kindness outweighs it. It’s the sparkle in that glass slipper.

And I had to find my courage. This was my fight. And it will continue to be my fight. I have the courage. And it’s time to trade in those tired running shoes for a sparkly new pair.

And maybe a pair of glass slippers. Because…well, because I like the way I feel in a good pair of shoes.

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2 Responses to “Have Courage and Be Kind”

  1. Chris July 10, 2016 at 11:49 pm #

    Courage! You know what amazes me the most? We all fight battles, many of us fight the same ones, we walk along side each other and most times we don’t even realize the battles that are being fought by the person beside us. Once again I plead with people, have empathy, understanding and above all JUST BE NICE! What a wonderful world this could be! Hugs to you, may your strength and courage continue and when you need to lean a little may you always find that shoulder! 🙂

    • mylifewiththree July 11, 2016 at 12:32 am #

      Absolutely! It’s a simple concept just to show a bit of kindness, but it could change a life. Thank you for the hugs 💕

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