Still my baby 

13 Jul

Today you asked me if you could snuggle.  Usually you climb up on my lap anytime I sit down, but today I rarely sat down.  So I sat in the worn out Lazy Boy and the chair creaked as the footrest went up.  This chair has held all three of my babies while I cuddled them.  Over thirteen years of rocking and cuddles.

Your tummy hurt.  I’m guessing it’s because I let you have ice cream after dinner.  (Because sometimes we all need ice cream). And instead of remembering the Lactaid before you ate we remembered afterwards.  Oops.  Sorry, baby girl.

You curled up on my lap, your body tucked in the crook of my shoulder.  That’s always been your favorite spot.  I am reminded of the time between 9 months and age three when you wouldn’t sleep alone.  Nightly I would have to join you so our whole house could sleep.  Even though I was tired and frustrated, my back hurt, and I wished I could have an uninterrupted night’s sleep, I still loved how you would melt the instant you were in that nook.  

See, you are my baby.  I enjoyed the baby stages of your brother and your sister.  Sometimes your sister will still cuddle by me, but your brother is way past that.

And you, you are growing every day.  You learned to write your name, you pedal your bicycle like a pro, you dance like a ballerina even though you’ve never taken a class.  Somehow…you grew.

And you are my strong willed child.  You know what you want and fight for it daily.  You scream, you yell, and you then get quiet time where we have a much-needed cool down period before we discuss that behavior. I need it just as much as you.

But I know you love me even when you say “you’re not my mom.” Or “I don’t like you anymore.”

To this I always say “I will always be your mom.  And I will always love you.  I just don’t like this behavior.”  To that you usually stick your hip out, one arm resting on it and yell “ughhhhh.”

Inwardly I smile.  As I feel the same way.  

But right now?  You climbed on my lap and snuggled.  You told me you loved me.  And I said I loved you back.  And you slept.  Just as you did as a baby.  As a toddler.  And I kiss your head as you sleep and enjoy the moment of you being little.  For one moment you’re still my baby. I know I need to pick you up and put you in bed soon, but I’m enjoying your littleness right now.

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