Living the Dream

19 Sep

A few years back I remember being mid-shuttle. I don’t remember which trip through town it was, but it was in the middle of the day as I drove past the park.  I’d survived the morning school run (kid one to bus-stop on time.  Get kids 2 and 3 changed, packed and in car to bring kid 3 to the daycare across town to shuttle back and bring kid 2 to the school when her elementary special education staff was there so she could be supervised and then go back to the other side of town to get to work.) And then started my shuffle to my traveling job and the morning’s shuttling in reverse and then dinner.

I was exhausted.  All the time.  I cared for others all day long.  I’d get up with my toddler who had just started sleeping alone after a few really long years of me cosleeping by her in order to keep her calm,  and assisting my son with blood sugar checks in the middle of the night.  Not to mention housework, cooking, trying to schedule appointments and keep a job,  

That particular day I was stuffing a sandwich in my mouth as I had to run to a school and probably drop off diapers or insulin and that took my lunch break and I stopped at a red light.  On this gorgeous fall day I watched a woman jogging.  I was struck with so much jealousy over this simple fact that she had the freedom to just go for a jog in the middle of the day.  She had her headphones on and looked so peaceful as she maintained her pace.

I nearly cried over that jealousy.  I was nowhere near running stage thanks to the extra pounds stress eating and focusing on others had given me.  I was still trying.  I was trying to work out- that was walking as the pressure on my knees was way too high.  I had to schedule workouts with a sitter to watch my younger two or somehow fit my special needs daughter or my toddler in a stroller (usually that was both and nothing could hold both of them anymore as double strollers aren’t made for children over the age of three).  And don’t forget my sweet, but anxiety ridden dog who doesn’t have walking manners.

I watched this woman, casually running and listening to her headphones and wished for a bit of that time.  Just one hour.  One hour for me in silence without needing to worry about anyone else.

Wishing didn’t make it come true.  But it was a turning point for me.  I knew because I wishing that hard on something fairly simple; I needed a change.

It has taken those few years but now I’m running.  My three kids are all at school.  I’m blessed to have a flexible schedule and be able to stay at home as my husband’s job changed.  I lost over forty pounds on my own so my knees no longer hurt when I run my interval jogging.  I’m not where I need to be physically, but I’m running.  And eating well.  And feeling great.  And I am fulfilling that dream.  I have the ability to lace up my Nikes and harness my dog and just go.

Sometimes they’re delayed.  Sometimes they need work to get there.  But dreams can come true.  Maybe not in the way you expect (I didn’t expect my husband’s job to go “poof” or for him to get a job in a different city and our whole family to relocate).  But my dream was modified.  I still shuffle kids.  That morning routine go get out the door to school is still not fun, but then I get time.  To clean, to write, to run. To just be.  I get to throw on my headphones and ignore anyone else’s needs other than practicing my breathing and fine tuning my gait.

I’m living my own dream.  And I don’t want to let it go.


2 Responses to “Living the Dream”

  1. take21@watersedge September 19, 2017 at 7:21 pm #

    I’m looking forward reading more of your blog! I have a son with Down syndrome and have recently started a blog, myself. We have a lot in commin:-). If you’d like to take a look at it…

  2. Heather Roberts September 20, 2017 at 8:32 pm #

    I must confess I understand that glance out the window jealousy thing were you imagine another person has it better. It’s such an easy thought pattern to be struck with.

    Glad you are getting to live that dream now. Hopefully you will inspire another woman to reach for her goal.

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